Because relationships are inherently exploratory, judgment is best rendered later, when you have more facts.
And if, after all of this, you still can’t trust your judgment, try to trust your gut – the part that says that you’re not excited by him, the part that says that something’s a little off.
If you were to be an impartial third-party judge of your own life, you might act differently.
But it’s a lot harder to leave your own neglectful boyfriend than it is to tell your girlfriend to dump hers.
Plus, he hasn’t been too aggressive in finding work. However, like lab rats who get shocked when they go for the wrong cheese, we have the capacity to learn from them.
In fact, he said that he’s contemplating a new career, although he doesn’t know what that will be quite yet. People fall hard and fast for each other, which is wonderful and normal. But as any parent will tell their teens, puppy love is evanescent. Which is why there’s no point in beating yourself up about not trusting your judgment. By the same token, I’m not saying that you should always trust your judgment. And if you’re going out with the same narcissistic guy or the same alcoholic guy or the same emotionally unavailable guy over and over and over again, THAT’s where you need to beat up on yourself.
Wouldn’t it be great if people were like computers?
Just don’t expect your friends to tell you the truth until it’s over. This kind of thinking, if you embrace it, will sink you.One of the things people asked me when they found out I was working on our book was an obvious, but intriguingly weird, question: Why would anybody listen to a single person’s thoughts about relationships? You are asking yourself to enter your next relationship assuming you don’t know anything.This was a question particularly directed to me by a couple of smug married people I met casually, who wouldn’t read a book like The thesis behind this question is that a single person, by definition, knows nothing about relationships, because if she did, she wouldn’t be single. But think about it this way: if success is defined as the ability to have a long-term relationship that doesn’t end for one reason or another, then every person starts every new relationship batting 0-for-whatever. In my experience, it’s not the things you genuinely don’t know that mess you up; it’s the things you won’t admit you know.Consider the classic problem of what to take personally.Your boyfriend is busy at work, and he stops calling.