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Despite the circle of people around me at church and school, I had always felt lonely and isolated.

I was sick a lot as a child, and always small for my age, so I felt inept at sports and separate from a lot of other boys.

I was finishing my BA degree and working part-time as a youth intern with a Baptist church.

The youth pastor invited me to a conference called "Hope and Healing for the Homosexual." At first, I felt fearful; how did he know I struggled with homosexuality?

It was a relief to find other Christians with some of the same issues.

I began hunting for Christian books about homosexuality, but in the early '80s there were few books addressing the issue.I learned that gay men are often emotionally disconnected from their fathers and from other boys while growing up.Sometimes the longings for identification with men and the resulting relationships are sexualized.But you never knew, maybe I hadn't really meant it the first time.So I prayed the prayer of salvation again, just to ease the nagging doubts.

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